Life in the Spectator Seat

Chillin with my foot up at my daughters

Have you ever thought about what your life would be like through the eyes of an older person.  I have been giving it a great deal of thought lately. Yes, it has to do with nearing the magical Social Security Age.   It also has to do with my  role in life recently changing.  And of course it has to do with my recent accident and resulting physical limitations.  So I have been thinking....   Why does our walking slow down as the years advance?  Our muscles weaken? Our posture leaning?  What causes a person to limp?   How do people interact differently with older persons?  How is life different as a elder in our society?  I know I have not given these thoughts much effort until recently.

For the first week after I was injured, I used a cane and could barely hobble around.  I found the lack of eye contact unsettling.  It was as if I had suddenly become less seen.   People walked around me as if I wasn't even there.  Now that I am using crutches and an ankle boot, I find people more engaging, asking what I did to my leg and asking if I need help or leaping to provide help.  Why the difference? 
           
I have  always experienced life in the drivers seat as exciting, full filling and moving at a pace that I had at least some control.  Life in the spectator seat lacks most of these attributes that I have grown to appreciate.  It is amazing how much one simple word,  CONTROL  means in my life.  I enjoy being able to get my own cup of coffee and to be able to do things for myself.  Lately,  I have realized what patience it takes to wait for help or to be invited to participate in life's rituals.   I love the ability to follow through with the problem solving and see the results.  In short, I feel devalued.  Is it only in my eyes or have I lost value as seen by others?
                                   
For now, at least the role of spectator is determined by my healing process.  For others the process becomes the new normal, a turn in life that gradually takes on permanence.   Life is full of adjustments until finally we can no longer make adjustments.

Our efforts to stop the aging progress with good diet choices and exercise tho futile, does aid in our comfort and stamina and mental health.  I certainly do not minimize these efforts, but there ARE limits to mind over reality.

I have been experiencing new life lessons these days.   I know that there are so many lessons yet to be learned.  I have plenty of time for reflection these days...

                                           Waiting ...... Learning ..... Waiting ....

Coping - One Hop at a Time

I am happy to report the pity party is over.

It seems I have returned to my normal pattern for coping with challenges. First I embrace denial.  Surely this will go away if I give it enough time.  Then, I feel sorry for myself and finally,  I move on to problem solving.  I think I am good at problem solving, I think you will agree.
I thought you might some of the hilarious moments as I figure this out.

The first couple of days, I only had sips of coffee.  This only fueled my pity party.  I am not nice without my morning coffee.  Do you know how hard it is to carry a cup of coffee on crutches....  Then finally it came to me.  My thermos pot that is kept in the trailer has a nice handle AND lid to prevent spills. So here I go!!!

Coffee and ME

It was not without casualties!

 Note the cup on the right....

    It didn't survive the trip!

First I went to the Farm and Feed store and had them load hay into the back of my covered truck.  Getting hay to the animals with a cane was simple... but painful... You can't imagine the noises and grunts I made!)  I had one arm free so I carried it with one arm to the fence and heaved it over.  After I found out that my ankle was broken and they took away my cane and supplied me crutches it became much more complicated.  With my Costco bag stuffed with hay I could carry enough hay to make the critters very happy!

I did ask for some help too.  My Auntie brought me some chicken soup.  All things are better with chicken soup.   I had someone bring in hay for me for the barn and put my sweet trailer to bed for the winter. I asked my neighbor to continue feeding the kritters for me for a couple of weeks.  I have also found homes for my goat Sugar and the Turkeys and chickens.  So much less work for me to do.

A new home for Sweet Sugar

A pause at the pond swing for a little autumn splendor

So yes, I have discovered I can survive.  Whether I am in a sticks and brick house or RV doesn't determine the outcome of my ability to cope with adversity.  I can ASK for help.  I can take care of myself. 

Dang it all!!

Well wishing it so, doesn't make it true....

My ankle is not any better so off I go to the doctor today.  The news isn't all bad....I didn't break my butt!  But I did break my ankle.  The young thing asked me if I have osteoporosis.  Isn't that just about the same as asking me if I'm old!!  They were still not able to cast it as there is still too much swelling but they put molded a splint on it and took away my cane and put me on crutches!   The splint hurts more than hobbling on it with nothing but the cane. And to top that off,  I am certainly an accident waiting to happen on crutches. 

So now I am laying here plotting how I will get the hay to the animals, feeling sorry for myself and again wondering if I will truly be able to take care of my self  here or on the road!!   Guess I sound like a pity party so I think I will call it a night and hope for brighter tomorrow.  Over and Ouch!

When you own your own Trailer Park... You have all the Fun!

Recently, I had my first garage sale ever.... Maybe my last!  These sad little fellows  were left overs that no one seemed to love.

 
But I have a new trailer friend and they will fit right in at their own little trailer park that they call Aluminum Acres. Malden, Illinois.  So today I'm packaging up the kids to travel off to there new home.

I know you want to see more soooo here are more pics of their new home. 


First of all meet Ginger where they of course will live.  And you have hit the jackpot... I even have inside pics!

Ginger, a 1959 Shasta

 

What a fun place to live!  But the fun doesn't end there..... Meet Bob the Burger.

Bob the Burger, a 1958 Hiawatha

 


   Isn't Bob the Yummiest!





 And one more cutie pie on today's visit.

Walter the Hippie, a 1965 Aristocrat  Lo Liner

                                                         

Lots of fun... here with Walter!






 Which is your favorite on today's tour?

Somehow I don't thing this will be the last of the fun little trailers to come and live with Julia (Jules) and Norm Busch.  I hope one day to visit these little packages of fun.  Wouldn't you? 

Falling Sunset

You know when you the first glimpse the setting sun, and know that it's going to be a butte!  You rush for the camera on a mission for that perfect picture.   Then it is a matter of getting the perfect dimensions with the right accents and colors to balance the picture. I snapped the first of what should have been many pictures waiting for the perfect one.   Then........

One and only sunset pic for the day

I lost my balance and head over tea kettle I went.  Cement stairs are unforgiving.   Since it was awhile before I could breathe or MOVE, I didn't get any more pictures.  Truth be told, I cried.
                         
                                              But I did save the camera!  

              After two days I can walk or should I say hobble on it with a cane.  

Like my fancy cane?

Since one of my approaches to life is to laugh instead of cry.....
I thought you might enjoy this thought for the day.

Careful grooming may take twenty years off a woman's age,
                      but you can't fool a long flight of stairs.




Do you suppose this is a message from the universe to SLOW down a little?

One Week Kid-less...and Counting

This weekend I passed a marker.  I have been living kid-less for one week....Time for a few observations.

• Emotions come and go.  There is no good or bad feelings.  Feelings just are.
•  I have become fascinated with my new freedom to walk all around my home without unlocking and locking rooms and cupboards to gain entrance.

I ceremoniously hung up my keys

 
I had become convinced that I was totally losing my memory.    I think now that I had to many things to remember and way too much stress.   My cell phone is where I left it, and my keys are hanging on the hook.  Money stays in my wallet  All is well.


I am happy to report my memory seems fine.
                  

•  I am again enjoying working on projects.  I can start when I want and stop when I want (or not).  I have always desired to live this way, but people often think they need to eat at preset times.   

• I am eating what I want, when I want to and enjoying it.... No more kiddo food for me.  Ok, maybe for grandkids.  This morning I had a piece of cheesecake with my morning coffee.
• When I woke up this morning, I laid in bed and thought about what I wanted to do for the day... I wasn't filled with dread for what the day would bring, I was filled with excitement.  Yes, some of the chores aren't fun but they bring me closer to my goals.  I am also in charge of when I do these tasks. 

 It will take as long as it takes.   I am more ready every day.  I will be ready.

Eating Crow

On a recent blog entry, (We Can Do It), I wrote about the learning curve required to adapt to the Rv lifestyle.  The next day I needed to move my trailer. While backing up the trailer, I backed up carefully and bumped the trailer receiver with the hitch... and you guessed I knocked it off the trailer block. While I raised it to the limit, it was not tall enough to raise onto the hitch.  As much as I hated to admit defeat I sought help from my neighbor who brought over a portable jack that would operate on the soft ground.  After a few moments the trailer was again safely on the hitch parked in the driveway.  No great tragedy, no damage done, just wounded pride.


On the learning curve for today, I learned that I should put a wheel attachment onto my hitch that will extend the height avoiding repeating this fiasco in the future.  I also learned I need to have a jack that I am familiar with, can access readily and can easily use.  (Even my neighbor was unfamiliar with my hitch and we wouldn't have been able to access my tire from under my truck had it been needed.)  The important lesson here is I need to be familiar enough to take care of these problems on my own.      

It does bring a question to mind.  What else don't I know?   What else will I screw up?   While I know that my problem solving skills are good,  how will I use those skills in unfamiliar territory?

Sorry no pictures today.  My pride wouldn't allow it!
I will admit my confidence is a bit shaken.