Sunday, January 13, 2013

Living Solo

A Dream Deferred.... Not a pretty picture.
 Many things can defer dreams....poor health, lack of resources, feelings of family responsibilities, decisions made long ago or finding ourselves living solo, just to name a few.  There are many  ways my dreams have been deferred and I am exploring them one at a time.  As long as they go unexamined they maintain a power to derail my new dreams.  

I have also changed and refined dreams as I have traveled through life.   I have not found it necessary to reach a mandatory or satisfactory level of completion of each dream.  I have learned from each dream, and tho a change of course may have resulted, that change often lead to a another path and certainly has led to new growth.

Recently I was talking with a friend of many years about my plans for upcoming RV travel.  Her husband died a few years ago and she recently went on a trip with another friend of ours.  While she had a fabulous time on the trip she had an experience that shadowed her ideas of what would be possible for her in the future regarding travel.  Her travel companion didn't want to go on a tour from the cruise ship so she went on the tour by herself.  She was miserable.  Instead of enjoying the sights she watched the other couples on the cruise and felt as if she were drowning in feelings of loneliness.  She expressed to me she could never travel alone.

I am past the point in my life where I need approval for my decisions.  I no longer need someone to make the same decisions that I have made to validate me.  I also realize what brings me happiness and joy may not be what makes others happy.  But this conversation did start the wheels turning and I gave her words a great deal of thought.

Life has brought me to a place where I travel a solo path.  I live life without a partner to share the sunset, the serenity of a mountain meadow or the magnificence of the breaking surf.   I dreamed of retirement years full of travel, rambling across our countryside taking in the sights and experiencing the culture and essence of each community.  This was and is my dream.  I am solo whether I live in a house with a foundation or one with wheels.  The bigger question for me is how do I want to spend my time. Do I want the familiarity and security of my predictable life in my house with foundations or do I want to honor my adventurous spirit and explore my world with the new challenges the come with a gypsy lifestyle on wheels.    I have learned to embrace my life, enjoy the moments and dream new dreams. Cast aside the guy ropes.... Ship ahoy! 

It wasn't always this way.  When newly single, I too dreaded and avoided all experiences that I had shared with a partner, the reminders were too great.  The feelings of loss too overwhelming. I felt all of my dreams were gone. The life of travel and and adventure had evaporated.  But slowly, I realized that my dreams could be altered.  I've read blogs of solo women who have dreamed their own dream, researched how to make it happen and then gone for it!. They have found many different ways to realize their dreams.

Lives change.
Dreams change and life goes in different directions than I could even imagine.
The really important thing is for each one of us to live OUR own dream.
For most of us that just takes a while to figure out!

What happens to a dream deferred? 
 By Langston Hughes

Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore--
And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?


  1. When you are out on the road, if you'd like to meet, we'd love to meet you.

  2. Keep dreaming those dreams and working towards making them come true.

  3. For several years I thought my dream of full-timing was long gone. Had planned to go solo prior to remarriage. Things worked out that Dave bought into the dream also, although it was a definite paradigm shift for him. We're living the full-time life with no regrets, and I'm so thankful to have realization of that dream. Keep the fire alive; one day it will happen!

  4. Very thoughtful post. I love the Langston Hughes poem. I feel quite sorry for your friend. There are singles groups that travel together both just for trips and RVing groups. Perhaps one of those would help her not to feel so "different". There are several long time Fulltimers who are solo and do excellent blogs about their travels. A few travel with WINS and some just alone. There seems to be a place in the Full Timing life for whatever design you create for yourself.

  5. Oops, still figuring some things out.

    Your post echoed with so many similiar thoughts. "I am solo whether I live in a house with a foundation or one with wheels." So true! Life rarely goes as planned but it does go. Breaking the routine is the challenge, looking toward new horizons is the fun.

  6. I hoppe your friend can find her way. I have been solo for years I love my life and I make my own choices. They may not always be right but there mine. I don't know how long she has been single again but she needs to not feels sorry for what she no longer has but what she came have for herself.

  7. wow was that badly written

  8. Although I love it and will not give up traveling in my RV, I do find it difficult to be around so many couples. I don't have a problem getting along with them, but feel out of place at a potluck of 7 couples and me. I need to meet up with some of the Solo Women RVing groups, but I will be workamping for 4 or 5 more years, and not traveling freely around. I need to make more of an effort to meet up with the solo groups in between my jobs.