|Chillin with my foot up at my daughters|
For the first week after I was injured, I used a cane and could barely hobble around. I found the lack of eye contact unsettling. It was as if I had suddenly become less seen. People walked around me as if I wasn't even there. Now that I am using crutches and an ankle boot, I find people more engaging, asking what I did to my leg and asking if I need help or leaping to provide help. Why the difference?
I have always experienced life in the drivers seat as exciting, full filling and moving at a pace that I had at least some control. Life in the spectator seat lacks most of these attributes that I have grown to appreciate. It is amazing how much one simple word, CONTROL means in my life. I enjoy being able to get my own cup of coffee and to be able to do things for myself. Lately, I have realized what patience it takes to wait for help or to be invited to participate in life's rituals. I love the ability to follow through with the problem solving and see the results. In short, I feel devalued. Is it only in my eyes or have I lost value as seen by others?
For now, at least the role of spectator is determined by my healing process. For others the process becomes the new normal, a turn in life that gradually takes on permanence. Life is full of adjustments until finally we can no longer make adjustments.
Our efforts to stop the aging progress with good diet choices and exercise tho futile, does aid in our comfort and stamina and mental health. I certainly do not minimize these efforts, but there ARE limits to mind over reality.
I have been experiencing new life lessons these days. I know that there are so many lessons yet to be learned. I have plenty of time for reflection these days...
Waiting ...... Learning ..... Waiting ....